That's all folks!

The Final Match of The Benaaron Cup Does Not Disappoint

An epic battle for the ages lived up to the hype as Vinnie croons his way to the championship

Two titans of the staring world squared off late Friday afternoon in a battle that most people are calling "a thing that I watched at my work."

Time stood still as Vinoth "Vinnie" Sabanadesan and Kevin "Eye of The Storm" Kelly stared each other down in front of the coveted Benaaron Cup, riveted co-workers and, indeed, the entire world.

With odds arguably stacked against him, the soft spoken Web Communications Advisor seemed to be the underdog as he prepared for his duel with arguably the most feared Graphic Designer in the OPS. But Vin came prepared and shocked the world as he fired up his iPod not just to hone his focus, but in order to sing to Kelly.

Undaunted by a voice that spectators called both "angelic" and "haunting" Kelly held his ground for an earth-shattering 4:37, finally succumbing to watering eyes, rumoured to be damaged from years of staring at a monitor.

Vin's victory was a popular one given that those who weren't routing for him prior to the match couldn't help but be seduced by the sounds of the Backstreet Boys sung A Capella and mostly in key.

Vin has already begun touring the Benaaron cup around Ontario and looks forward to defending his title at next year's tournament.

The founders of the Benaaron Cup would like to thank everyone who participated in the CMB staring contest; both the contestants for making the events so exciting and for the spectators and managers for your donations and intense [bordering on ridiculous] enthusiasm for the matches.

We look forward to doing it all over again next year!

And now, without further ado, I present...your 2009 Benaaron Cup Champion:

The Finals are Set!!!

Two titans of the table are ready to stare down for the Benaaron Cup

After two hotly contested rounds of semi-final action, the finalists for the inaugural CMB Staring Contest have been decided!

This morning, Vinnie managed to overcome Old Meany in 42.5 seconds, who was unable to stifle a giggle as Vinnie pulled out the ol' dance moves.

And then, during the afternoon, after a marathon 2 minutes and 3 seconds, The Woman Who Stares At Goats could not suppress her own laughter after trying to trash-talk Eye of the Storm.

Thus... tomorrow... at 3:15 PM, Eye of the Storm and Vinnie will go eyeball to eyeball, in a showdown to end all showdowns, for the most glorious prize in the history of Sports Entertainment Charitable Fundraisers....

!!!THE BENAARON CUP!!!

A brief history of the Benaaron Cup...

Forged in fires of Hades, the first known archival mention of the Benaaron Cup was during the Roman Empire between 27 - 5 BCE. A lonley Gladiator named Lookaloticus was awarded a golden chalice for staring down 3 lions and a walrus.

After Lookaloticus was assasinated (circa 3 CE), the Benaaron Cup disappeared from the annals of history. However, in 1545, Nostradamus fatefully predicted the return of the Cup "...sometime in the 20th or 21st century. Or maybe the 19th, perhaps. If the world has not ended before then, which it MIGHT....mwhah-hah-ha-haaaa!"

Then, in 2009, on a soul-searching sojourn to Las Vegas, Ben Johnson awoke from a drunken stupor with his wallet and shoes missing, but the Benaaron Cup sitting in his lap. "It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen," notes Johnson.

Third Round Action

Early Work Days To Blame as Two Favoured Competitors Are Frustrated in Second-Round Match-Ups

K-ted Tedesco and Mini B Adarna both blame having to come into work early for their tired eyes and second-round losses yesterday.

With his quiet intensity, cranked iPod and rumoured bag of dirty tricks, Bryan "Mini B" Adarna was the favoured dark horse of this year's tournament for a lot of Vegas odds makers. However, a blink just eight seconds into his match against Donnette "The Woman Who Stares at Goats" Stoll sealed his fate. Stoll intensified her glare once she knew Adarna was on the ropes and the young hopeful from the branch's Creative Unit never fully recovered, blinking again just 6.4 seconds later. "What can I say?" Adarna told reporters. "Work got in the way."

	Tedesco had similar sentiments, noting that she had been at work since 6:30am yesterday. "My eyes are really dry," she told her opponent Old Meany shortly following their match. Things got heated as Meany's manager goaded K-Ted with claims of making excuses and Tedesco screamed "What did you say paper champion? Rematch! Any time, any where." It wasn't the first time the word "rematch" had been thrown around and it lent credence to rumours of possible "Grudge Matches" the day of the finals.
A livid K-Ted lays in to Old Meany following their match yesterday. Eventually the altercation had to be broken up by Meany's manager, Bear Claw Barras.

Despite being the first competitor to blink and continue staring, fan favourite Renée "Eagle Eye" Struik blamed nerves for her loss to Vinnie, noting she had a lot more success practicing before hand. "The crowd got to me. It really was nerve racking. And I could hear Vinnie's intense breathing."

Favoured to win seemingly just because he was the only competitor to photo-shop his picture submission, Eye of The Storm cruised to another victory against Mary "Cookie" Vaz, who posted the second round's longest first blink time with 11 seconds, but quickly blinked again just a second later. "Once I blink," she said, "I can't stop."

Match	Victor	Loser and cause of death	Blink Times in Seconds
K-Ted vs. Old Meany	Old Meany	K-Ted / Blinking	1st: 8.3 2nd: 19.6
Eagle Eye vs. Vinnie	Vinnie	Eagle Eye / Blinking	1st: 9 2nd: 15.2
Cookie vs. Eye of The Storm	Eye of The Storm	Cookie / Blinking	1st: 11 2nd: 12
Mini B vs. The Woman Who Stares at Goats	Woman Who Stares	Mini B / Blinking	1st: 8 2nd: 14.4

A Triumphant Vinnie Celebrates his win:

Final Four Action

Two matches today.

Vinnie takes on Old Meany at 11:00am

and

[update!]

Eye of The Storm takes on The Woman Who Stares at Goats immediately following Secret Santa festivities.