That's all folks!

The Final Match of The Benaaron Cup Does Not Disappoint

An epic battle for the ages lived up to the hype as Vinnie croons his way to the championship

Two titans of the staring world squared off late Friday afternoon in a battle that most people are calling "a thing that I watched at my work."

Time stood still as Vinoth "Vinnie" Sabanadesan and Kevin "Eye of The Storm" Kelly stared each other down in front of the coveted Benaaron Cup, riveted co-workers and, indeed, the entire world.

With odds arguably stacked against him, the soft spoken Web Communications Advisor seemed to be the underdog as he prepared for his duel with arguably the most feared Graphic Designer in the OPS. But Vin came prepared and shocked the world as he fired up his iPod not just to hone his focus, but in order to sing to Kelly.

Undaunted by a voice that spectators called both "angelic" and "haunting" Kelly held his ground for an earth-shattering 4:37, finally succumbing to watering eyes, rumoured to be damaged from years of staring at a monitor.

Vin's victory was a popular one given that those who weren't routing for him prior to the match couldn't help but be seduced by the sounds of the Backstreet Boys sung A Capella and mostly in key.

Vin has already begun touring the Benaaron cup around Ontario and looks forward to defending his title at next year's tournament.

The founders of the Benaaron Cup would like to thank everyone who participated in the CMB staring contest; both the contestants for making the events so exciting and for the spectators and managers for your donations and intense [bordering on ridiculous] enthusiasm for the matches.

We look forward to doing it all over again next year!

And now, without further ado, I present...your 2009 Benaaron Cup Champion:

The Finals are Set!!!

Two titans of the table are ready to stare down for the Benaaron Cup

After two hotly contested rounds of semi-final action, the finalists for the inaugural CMB Staring Contest have been decided!

This morning, Vinnie managed to overcome Old Meany in 42.5 seconds, who was unable to stifle a giggle as Vinnie pulled out the ol' dance moves.

And then, during the afternoon, after a marathon 2 minutes and 3 seconds, The Woman Who Stares At Goats could not suppress her own laughter after trying to trash-talk Eye of the Storm.

Thus... tomorrow... at 3:15 PM, Eye of the Storm and Vinnie will go eyeball to eyeball, in a showdown to end all showdowns, for the most glorious prize in the history of Sports Entertainment Charitable Fundraisers....

!!!THE BENAARON CUP!!!

A brief history of the Benaaron Cup...

Forged in fires of Hades, the first known archival mention of the Benaaron Cup was during the Roman Empire between 27 - 5 BCE. A lonley Gladiator named Lookaloticus was awarded a golden chalice for staring down 3 lions and a walrus.

After Lookaloticus was assasinated (circa 3 CE), the Benaaron Cup disappeared from the annals of history. However, in 1545, Nostradamus fatefully predicted the return of the Cup "...sometime in the 20th or 21st century. Or maybe the 19th, perhaps. If the world has not ended before then, which it MIGHT....mwhah-hah-ha-haaaa!"

Then, in 2009, on a soul-searching sojourn to Las Vegas, Ben Johnson awoke from a drunken stupor with his wallet and shoes missing, but the Benaaron Cup sitting in his lap. "It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen," notes Johnson.

Third Round Action

Early Work Days To Blame as Two Favoured Competitors Are Frustrated in Second-Round Match-Ups

K-ted Tedesco and Mini B Adarna both blame having to come into work early for their tired eyes and second-round losses yesterday.

With his quiet intensity, cranked iPod and rumoured bag of dirty tricks, Bryan "Mini B" Adarna was the favoured dark horse of this year's tournament for a lot of Vegas odds makers. However, a blink just eight seconds into his match against Donnette "The Woman Who Stares at Goats" Stoll sealed his fate. Stoll intensified her glare once she knew Adarna was on the ropes and the young hopeful from the branch's Creative Unit never fully recovered, blinking again just 6.4 seconds later. "What can I say?" Adarna told reporters. "Work got in the way."

	Tedesco had similar sentiments, noting that she had been at work since 6:30am yesterday. "My eyes are really dry," she told her opponent Old Meany shortly following their match. Things got heated as Meany's manager goaded K-Ted with claims of making excuses and Tedesco screamed "What did you say paper champion? Rematch! Any time, any where." It wasn't the first time the word "rematch" had been thrown around and it lent credence to rumours of possible "Grudge Matches" the day of the finals.
A livid K-Ted lays in to Old Meany following their match yesterday. Eventually the altercation had to be broken up by Meany's manager, Bear Claw Barras.

Despite being the first competitor to blink and continue staring, fan favourite Renée "Eagle Eye" Struik blamed nerves for her loss to Vinnie, noting she had a lot more success practicing before hand. "The crowd got to me. It really was nerve racking. And I could hear Vinnie's intense breathing."

Favoured to win seemingly just because he was the only competitor to photo-shop his picture submission, Eye of The Storm cruised to another victory against Mary "Cookie" Vaz, who posted the second round's longest first blink time with 11 seconds, but quickly blinked again just a second later. "Once I blink," she said, "I can't stop."

Match	Victor	Loser and cause of death	Blink Times in Seconds
K-Ted vs. Old Meany	Old Meany	K-Ted / Blinking	1st: 8.3 2nd: 19.6
Eagle Eye vs. Vinnie	Vinnie	Eagle Eye / Blinking	1st: 9 2nd: 15.2
Cookie vs. Eye of The Storm	Eye of The Storm	Cookie / Blinking	1st: 11 2nd: 12
Mini B vs. The Woman Who Stares at Goats	Woman Who Stares	Mini B / Blinking	1st: 8 2nd: 14.4

A Triumphant Vinnie Celebrates his win:

Final Four Action

Two matches today.

Vinnie takes on Old Meany at 11:00am

and

[update!]

Eye of The Storm takes on The Woman Who Stares at Goats immediately following Secret Santa festivities.

Second Round Matchups

The second round of the CMB Staring Contest will commence Wednesday December 16th at 3:15pm.

Click on the image below for a more readable version of the tournament bracket to see who's moved on, and who's been left in the dust.

First Round Action Finishes

Eye of The Storm Laughs Last

The last match of the first round of the CMB Staring Contest took place this afternoon and the pictures below speak for themselves.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Kelly defeats Jackson in 25.9 seconds. Cause of Death: Laughing

"If laughing was allowed I would have won. I swear I could stare forever."

First Round Action

First Round Action is Short and Bittersweet

Expectations were high leading up to yesterday's first-round of the CMB Staring Contest. For some, the excitement was too much.

A hotly contested match between Frank "The Nose" Naso and Brian "Mini B" Adarna was expected to be one of the first round's hardest fought battles. Both contestants were all business as they entered listening to iPods, suggesting they were both in it for the long haul. But the tension, it seemed, was too much for Naso as he stumbled quickly with a blink, and then, seemingly angry with himself, looked away - ending the match in just 8.9 seconds.

Shortly after the match, Naso blamed OSCLA officials for not sufficiently explaining the rules. When pressed for an explanation, Naso flatly refused further comment.

The tournament's opening match, however, had a decidedly more cordial feel as opponents Crook Eye McVee and Old Meany greeted each other warmly at the competitors' table. Indeed, some wondered if the moniker "Old Meany" was meant to be ironic as the two opponents chatted about the pleasant aroma of Meany's green tea before she actually offered to share some with Crook Eye.

Once the match began though, Meany made short work of Crook Eye who, like Naso, seemed to forget about the tournament's "two-blink" rule and looked down in disgust following just one blink, thus ending her tournament life after just 9.5 seconds.

Both victors look forward to second-round action next week. Mini B alluded to a bag of dirty tricks that he "didn't even need to use yet" and Old Meany's manager and trainer Debra Barras gloated, "We're just getting started."

First Round Controversy

OSCLA Makes Controversial Ruling on Morning of First Round

First round action was slated to begin this afternoon in the first annual CMB Staring Contest but festivities were marred when it was revealed that fan favourite and perennial starer, Kevin "Eye of The Storm" Kelly would be unable to participate due to illness.

Following a stir caused by the announcement at today's 9:30 meeting, Ontario Staring Contest League Association (OSCLA) officials retreated to their headquarters in Bracebridge, ON for a last minute decision on how this might effect proceedings.

"Ultimately, it was decided that the event would be better off if Mr. Kelly was included in the festivities," a spokesperson for the OSCLA said. "We'll hold the two other first round matches today as scheduled, and work something out with Mr. Kelly's handlers once we know the extent of his illness."

The ruling comes at a delicate time for the OSCLA given that this is its inaugural season. Critics say that Eye of The Storm should simply be disqualified, but charge that league founders, Ben Johnson and Aaron Talbot, are more interested in ticket sales than the actual competition.

Bloggers and conspiracy theorists are also up in arms, claiming that a rumoured gambling pool based on the tournament heavily influenced the decision, given that Vegas odds makers heavily favour Kelly.

One critic isn't mincing words. Kelly's first round opponent Carly "Action" Jackson was blunt when pressed for comment, "Kevin Kelly is a coward. I should absolutely win by default." She added, "Don't put that. That's not my actual quote. Seriously. Why are you doing this? Honestly, you're putting way too much effort into this. You are going to get fired."

Tournament Action begins at 3:15 today with Old Meany facing off against Crook Eye McVee and Mini B taking on Franco.

Tomorrow

The day is almost upon us!

Don't forget to bring some change tomorrow so you can watch the festivities.

Advance tickets are on sale now.

For just $7, the Exclusive "All-Tournament Pass" is still available, which includes front-row seats and intimate access to every match, including The Benaaron Cup Finals.

Come see Ben or email cmbblogger@gmail.com to get yours today!

Are You Ready?

First Round Match-Ups!

They're here!

Using a completely random process, the match-ups for the first round of the staring contest are now set.

Click on the image below for a larger, more readable version.

Due to the odd number of contestants, some lucky contestants have been randomly chosen to get a bye into the second round. Eagle Eye, Vinnie, K-Ted, The Woman Who Stares at Goats and Cookie will not have to play until the second round of match ups, tentatively scheduled for Wednesday December 16th (subject to change).

But first round action will feature three matches between

• Old Meany and Crook Eye
• Mini B and Franco
• Action Jackson and Eye of The Storm.

Matches will be begin at 3:15pm Thursday December 10th.

They will go on as long as they have to and once each match is completed, officials will notify the next contestants that it is their turn to compete.

Spectators are welcome and encouraged to make a donation of at least one dollar per match as general admission. Contestants are likewise encouraged to pay admission to come watch the competition.

An Exclusice "All-Tournament Pass" is also available, which includes front-row seats and intimate access to every match, including The Benaaron Cup Finals.

At just $7 it's a fantastic value, a great way to donate to the United Way, and likely the single greatest purchase you will ever make.

Come see Ben or email cmbblogger@gmail.com to get yours today!

The Hour of Power - Update!

As you all know, yesterday we held the draw for the first ever CMB United Way Hour of Power.

The common-folk were awarded a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a manager (or director!) be at their beck and call for one glorious hour.

Seven draws were conducted, as Josh had previously donated two hours of his time and, in response to the success of her raffle, Karin generously added a second hour of her time at the final hour.

The big winners are as follows:

Josh: One hour for Mary and one for Ben

Karin: One hour for Aaron and one for Joanne

Ryan: IMME (The entire unit)

Deb: Joanne

Lina: Adina

In an effort to get some idea of the back-breaking labour the managers will be subjected to during their hours, Aaron interviewed all the winners (yes, including himself) to try to get a taste of what they had in store for their newly acquired assistants. This is what they had to say:

Adina re: Lina

"My first inclination was to show Lina what it is that I do all day, but then I thought it might be more valuable to have her show me her job. Or, I might just have her design, write and send out Christmas cards to every translator that I work with."

Joanne re: Debbie

"I think I'll start by having Debbie wallpaper my cubicle with serene pictures. Then she'll pop off one key at a time on my keyboard and dust and clean them individually. She'll then archive the invitations for the past two years. Throughout the hour, I will also expect her to answer my phone 'Joanne's office. How may I help you?'"

Ben re: Josh

Aaron re: Karin

"Karin will be job shadowing me for one hour, during which time she will learn the joy of logging correspondence."

Mary re: Josh

Joanne re: Karin

"No comment."

The Issues Unit re: Ryan

In an effort to lessen the amount of back-breaking labour that IMME has in store for him, Ryan has tried convince the unit that the “Hour of Power” is actually a good mentoring opportunity. Fortunately, IMME sees through Ryan’s attempts to ‘spin’ this initiative and has been thinking long and hard about how to best optimize his time. IMME knows how much Ryan likes CCM, which is why they have been saving HBNs for him to log. Ryan will also be doing the afternoon scan and issues table – all while making time to get the unit coffee and tea.

Meet The Contestants

The first competitors for this year's Staring Contest have submitted their entry forms, and let me tell you, they are a fearsome looking group.

Feast your eyes on the most formidable class of eye-athletes since the earliest days of The Ontario Staring Contest League Association (OSCLA).

Which one of these fierce challengers will take home The Benaaron Cup?

Only time will tell.

With a handful of entry-forms still out there in the branch to be submitted, this group of ocular ruffians is sure to grow in the days leading up to first round. And, if the look of this bunch hasn't terrified you to your very soul, there's still time for you to enter if you haven't yet.

But don't wait too long. The last day to get your entry form in is Friday December 4th.

First Round match-ups will be posted Wednesday December 8th.

And first round matches begin Thursday December 10th. (Spectator tickets available at the door for each match for just $1)

CMB Staring Contest Competitors

	NAME: Donnette "The Woman Who Stares At Goats" Stoll BIO: Unknown
	NAME: Renée "Eagle Eye" Struik BIO: I only have eyes for you.
	NAME: Vinoth "Vinnie" Sabanadesan BIO: Trained at an early age in the art of "Staritsu," Vin was raised to believe that nothing mattered except the ancient art. A lone monk, Vin has traveled the world seeking to find as opponent that would finally challenge him. For then he could finally be at rest with his inner demons. There is no fear except for what can be stared at.
	NAME: Kristen "KT" Tedesco, aka KTed BIO: Kristen has been honing her staring skills for years. She developed her talent at a young age, as she discovered that staring at her brother was an amusing way to annoy him. At camp, Kristen won every fire-starting competition by staring into a pile of kindling until it burst into flames. As a young adult Kristen paid for her university tuition by taking part in illegal back alley staring contests where large sums of money would be wagered. Kristen hopes that her many years of staring will help her win the 2009 CMB Staring Contest – after that, its world domination. Oh ya, Kristen taught Chuck Norris how to stare.
	NAME: Bryan "Mini B" Adarna BIO: Unknown.
	NAME: Mary "Cookie" Vaz BIO: Unknown.
	NAME: Franco "The Nose" Naso BIO: Franco came into training camp a bit overweight, but has begun to stick with a new workout routine and has worked on his footwork. He's on a hot streak, posting a record of 5-0-3 in his last 8 matches. In the off-season, he has teamed up with Johnny "No Lids" Nazonkowski to work on a new strategy. It seems to be working for The Nose. HEIGHT: 5'6" WEIGHT: 200lbs COACH: Don Musso RECORD: 15-4-9
	NAME: Kevin "Eye of The Storm" Kelly BIO: Formerly a mild mannered gas pump attendant who was unfortunate enough to be working late when the owner of the station fulfilled a dastardly scheme to collect on his wife's insurance policy by blowing the place up while she was onsite doing paperwork. Understandably, Kelly was more than a little put out at being incinerated, so he's back from the dead and occupies himself by blowing stuff up with his eyeballs. This will be Kelly's first foray into the world of competitive staring, and the judges are expecting big things from the ruddy-faced rookie.
	NAME: Tannis "Crook Eye McVee" Fenton BIO: Crook Eye McVee is giving you the crook eye just for having to fill out this section of her entrant's from. Easily overwhelmed by paperwork, McVee would prefer to just get down to staring business.
	NAME: Carly "Action" Jackson BIO: Unknown
	NAME: Nadia "Old Meany" Abdelahad BIO: It ain't over 'til it's over.